Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
