I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
