she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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