i barfeds in our rink
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
