I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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