but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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