soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
