Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
