Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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