just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
