God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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