Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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