You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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