He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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