i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
