you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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