Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
