I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
