I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
