You're so nebulous sometimes
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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