I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
