me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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