i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
