Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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