I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
