I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
