i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
