Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
