I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just had sex on a roof
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
