it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
