Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Me too!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
