my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
