Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
