i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
