Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
