I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i came on her dog
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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