I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
