she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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