She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
