do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
