Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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