based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
