I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
