i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
PANTIES FOUND
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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