Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
