i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
