new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
