She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
