He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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