you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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