Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
