So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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