i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Randomize
