How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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