Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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