If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
