Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think your dad took our porno
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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