dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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