i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
