What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
